Wednesday, January 31, 2024

A Season for Everything

 Wow! I can't believe it's been since 2017 since I've posted anything on this blog. My husband and I are fairly private people so I'm not one to feel I have to share all aspects of our lives. Suffice it to say, I'm getting back into recording some of my thoughts and musings. 

Events: My last granddaughter was born on January 14, 2018. My dad passed away on June 20, 2022. My mom broke both of her hips, has dementia, and had to be put into a nursing home. 😭 My first great-grandson was born on November 8, 2023. My second great-grandson is due at the beginning of March this year. I retired in August 2023. Yeah, so there are some really important events that I haven't written about.

I'm embarking on a new journey with a part-time job for a local college and am really excited about it. I love being retired but I miss being around people and using my skillset. 

I've been listening to the Bible in a year podcast. I am reminded of the verses in Mark 3:21-22 where Jesus says, "A kingdom at war with itself will collapse. A home divided against itself is doomed." Powerful words that I wish our country would heed at the present time.

This is the first year in many that I haven't attended TCEA and I'm already missing the collaborations, excitement, and learning that takes place at that awesome conference. Being a TCEA board member was one of the greatest professional achievements of my career and I'm grateful for that special era.

I was blessed recently while visiting my Grandmother in Albuquerque. She is 98 years young and taught me so much throughout my life. Her home was a safe place that I was privileged to visit a few weeks a year. I felt special and so loved by her and my grandad. Memories of going to the donut place, shopping, and miniature golf rise to the top of my mind. Also, the seemingly eternal "snappy" naps my grandad took while we were waiting to go do something.
I recently acquired a "My Life Calendar". It is based on living 85 years. Each circle stands for a week of life so you can only imagine how long it took me to scratch off the circles to get to 61 years! I guess there are two ways of looking at this poster. One is morbidly, dreading the fact that there are a lot fewer circles to scratch off than ones already done. The second, and the one I choose, is to realize that I need to get busy and enjoy the rest of the circles as much as possible! The traveling and adventure that we didn't do earlier in our lives because we had kids at home, we had to work full time, and excuses, excuses, excuses... I choose life and adventure! 

Until next time.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

My Dear Friend

Yesterday I experienced grief close up yet again. My dear friend's 9-year-old granddaughter gained her angel wings after two years of fighting and gaining victory over osteosarcoma. I felt an overwhelming need to do something, anything, to be of service. I drove over with a Dr. Pepper and visited with my friend early in the morning and later, went to her daughter's home. This sweet strong woman whose faith has inspired so many is now dealing with HER daughter's death. I used to rock her and keep her and love on her when SHE was a little girl. The heartbreak and overwhelming grief of losing a child, your own flesh, is something no one ever imagines going through. I cannot even imagine losing a precious grandchild.
How can I help them? I just need to do something. So I helped the sisters clean and organize and prepare for the onslaught of well-meaning people who also need to do something. We all pray for this sweet family feeling like this is one of the only things we can do. (as if praying is not enough).

What would I say to my dear friend and her family?

1. We aren't grieving for our loved ones; we are grieving for ourselves because we miss their presence so much. As people of faith, it's important for others to see that in us. We don't grieve in the same way as those who have no hope in the Lord.
2. GRIEVE-we are one of few cultures in the world where grieving openly is not an accepted practice. We cry in private and muffle our moans and deep inner pain. If you don't allow yourself (and if others don't allow you) to grieve, that grief will manifest itself in some other way. Think of grief as a horrible open sore. In the beginning, it hurts so badly, you don't even think you can breathe. You can't cover it or put a bandage on it. Everything makes it worse, and it's all you can think about. Then it starts to scab a little, and any little memory can rip that scab off, and the wound is back to square one. This happens over and over and over. Right now, you can't even fathom that the wound will ever start healing.
3. People do for you because they want to. You don't have to write a thank you note for every card someone sends you. In fact, just the act of writing those notes is exhausting. Give yourself a break and know that others will too.
4. Let others take care of you right now. When you are a very independent person who is used to taking care of things and others, it is often hard to give the reins over to someone else. You are having trouble even wrapping your mind around living without your child. Everything else is periphery.
5. Take care of yourself-eat, stay hydrated, and remember your body is going through a very traumatic time. It takes its toll, and you need all of your energy to get through the first few days, weeks, and months.
6. Talk about your child. Encourage others to join in the conversation. One of my fears was that my son would be forgotten. People sort of tip-toe around their names like it's some kind of sacred ground they shouldn't tread on. Lead them into conversations about your child.
7. Above all, lean on God, trust your faith and keep taking a step, a breath, a step, and another breath. God's right here with us especially in our darkest hours. In fact, that is when He carries us. When people say, I could never go through what you are going through-they don't know what they are saying. We don't have a choice, so when death happens, we just keep moving knowing that our God is a God of mercy and grace.

My dear friend, I am here for you and your family. I love you and know the depth of your loss.

We will be reunited in Heaven: When Paul writes to believers who grieve the loss of a loved one, he offers them this comfort: “We who are still alive will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air” (1 Thessalonians 4:17)

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

All I want for Christmas

For the first time since 2008, we will have all of our children and grandchildren under the same roof at the same time. What a wonderful gift for Christmas! Even as I type "all of our children", I am acutely aware that Trey will not be here with us physically. He will always be here in our hearts. Funny thoughts come to mind: no one will be disappointed because Trey drew their names-he was sort of a cheap gift giver. OR when he wasn't, he was certain to point out the dollar value so you'd know he spent a lot! No one will be talking like a pirate, a sure sign Trey had had too much Christmas spirit!
The nieces and nephews who have been born since Trey died will never know his sense of humor or zest for fun. I see traces of him and Trinity in Caden. Gannen and Laiton are the only ones who remember Trey, other than stories from their parents.
How am I now? Much better that the searing pain has for the most part subsided. I miss Trey terribly and wish that I could talk to him or hear his goofy laugh. I long to hear him say that the best gift he could give me is his presence! I cherish the memories of him, good and bad, and am satisfied that at last, he is at peace with himself and has self value.
All I want for Christmas is my family in the same place under one roof, overflowing our home with love and laughter.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, June 30, 2016

I'm back

I'm finally back! I guess I haven't really felt like I've had a lot to say. Maybe I'm just lazy. Who knows? At any rate, I'm here. I am about to launch a career at a different entity. I have been traveling to different school districts serving as a technology integration specialist for three years. I've built relationships, served teachers and students, and tried out a lot of different rental cars. One day I came in to work, and I got the, "I need to talk to you in my office" spiel. I went from a technology integration specialist to an information security liaison. I know, right? You're wondering, "What the heck is that?" I still am. It involves stuff like writing password policies and procedures and something about data encryption. Riveting, huh? That was about a month ago. I found out just how much of a people person I am. I have cried and prayed and griped (a lot) at home. I feel like a fish out of water in this cubicle world. So I've summoned my courage and entrepreneur inner being. I put together a proposal and sent it to key people. Because of that, I was offered an instructional technologist position in a school district for more pay than I'm receiving now, with more freedom to continue coaching in other places, the ability to present at key conferences, and some extra benefits. It is so true that when one door closes, God makes sure there is another door open. It's not generally at the time you want it to happen or where you thought it would be, but there is an opportunity. I believe God has a plan for me and for each one of us. That plan could include a winding road or a path that leads us right back where we started, but it is a greater plan than we can even imagine for ourselves.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Grandmother Grateful

It's been a few months since I've blogged, but I'm back. I recently had the privilege of going to Las Vegas to celebrate my maternal grandmother's 90th birthday. What a life she has lived! If you stop to think about it, she has seen the inventions of:

  • 1925 Modern day can opener
  • 1927 Aerosol can
  • 1929 Car radio
  • 1930 Jet engine
  • 1931 Electric razor
  • 1932 Electric can opener
  • 1934 Zippo lighter
  • 1935 Radar
  • 1937 Dirt Devel
  • 1939 Helicopter
  • 1940 Modern color television
  • 1941 Artificial heart
  • 1943 Slinky
  • 1944 Kidney dialysis machine
  • 1945 Clock Radio
  • 1946 Disposable Diapers
  • 1950 Alkaline batteries
  • 1951 Power steering
  • 1953 Black box flight recorder
  • 1956 Behind the ear hearing aid
  • 1958 Pacemaker
  • 1959 Black and Decker cordless drill
  • 1960 Stereos/hi-fi
  • 1961 Kodak Instamatic
  • 1962 LED
  • 1968 Smoke detector
  • 1969 The internet
  • 1970 Digital thermometer
  • 1971 Pocket calculator
  • 1973 The ethernet
  • 1975 Kodak digital camera
  • 1976 Lithium batteries
  • 1980 Sony Walkman
  • 1981 Epson HX-20 world's first laptop
  • 1983 Commodore 64
  • 1984 Sony Discman
  • 1985 Leatherman
  • 1986 Bose headphones
  • 1987 Camcorder
  • 1988 Digital mobile phones
  • 1989 World Wide Web
  • and much more!
Wow! That's quite a list, not to mention she has lived through World War 2, the Korean War, Vietnam War, Afghanistan, and the war on terrorists. She's also lived through 15 sitting Presidents, including some who've been elected for two terms. 
My grandmother was married to an Air Force pilot who was career military, served in three wars, and retired as a Lt. Col. He preceded her in death in 1991. She raised three children during difficult times; while her husband was stationed in other countries; during the Cold War when my grandfather was working at the Pentagon; and during the 60's and 70's when teenage rebellion was rampant. Yet, my grandmother will tell you she's lived through the best times our country has seen. 
My grandmother is the classiest lady I have ever met. She has been the maternal stable figure in my life for as long as I can remember. She has morphed into a legend of class, beauty, and sophistication. What an honor to get to walk through my life with her and to celebrate such a milestone birthday. I hope my beautiful grandmother lives to be a healthy centenarian because I honestly don't know what I would do without her!

Tuesday, March 17, 2015


Have you ever really noticed the chevron pattern? It's wildly popular and comes in many different colors. As I ponder the pattern, I notice the zig-zags, the peaks and valleys, the sharp v's. This can be a parallel to my life. Do you ever feel like you are on top of the world one minute, and take a sharp dive the next? As I watched my grandson play basketball at the state tournament, I was so elated and proud, caught up in the moment of victory with his team-only to turn around and start crying uncontrollably. The reason? A memory of my son playing at the state tournament stabbed my heart and slammed me down. How can so many conflicting emotions exist simultaneously? The human mind and heart are mysterious, marvelous, and cryptic. I'm thankful that the Creator opens His arms for me to run into no matter where I am on that chevron pattern, and that He fearfully and wonderfully made me.

Thursday, May 22, 2014


This week I attended the funeral of a friend of mine. She was just a few years older than I am, which always makes you start reminiscing. From my own experience, and others who have told me, your body starts creaking, snapping, popping, and your metabolism seems to all but stop working. The body I once had has rearranged itself, and I sometimes don't even recognize it. You are probably wondering where I am going with this! (grinning) Back to the funeral--the pastor referenced 2 Corinthians 5:1 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  That tent expands and contracts through the years. It gets wind blown, rained and snowed on. The tent's original fabric gets tattered, dry, torn, patched up, it shrinks and gets threadbare, and sometimes it just collapses. The rigging needs reinforcement and some parts need to be replaced. Would you rather live in a tent or a permanent home?

Our earthly bodies are the tents in which our soul live. Our bodies grow from the time we are born until we are in our early twenties. Sometimes our bodies grow because we are gaining weight, having a baby, or taking a medication. Other times, our bodies shrink from weight loss, chemo, or just plain getting older. We weather storms in our lives-sickness, death of a family member or friend, wayward children, loss of jobs, divorce-but we make it through. Just like a tent, we may have to be patched because of bodily injury. We may need new hips or knees, or have to have back surgery, or even deal with amputation. We may feel so tired that it seems we can't take another step, threadbare. Our skin eventually gets dry and wrinkly, and shows scars. Sometimes our scars don't show. There are times that we simply want to give up, collapse. 

We have to keep in mind that our earthly tents WILL be destroyed. We will die, and our souls will be set free to live in an eternal house in Heaven. We won't hurt, crack, pop, be tired, or feel like collapsing. I will get a permanent home. Praise God for giving us a hope and a future!